I just saw "Inception" tonight. It got me thinking about what reality is. Before you go thinking I'm going to get extremely in-depth and boring about this, stop yourself and just hear me out. I promise I'll keep it relevant.
How many times do you find yourself regretting something, regardless of how important or unimportant? Personally, I do that a lot. That's a crappy feeling...what might have been. What if we stopped underestimating ourselves and tried what we wanted to do in the first place? It sounds a lot easier than it is.
My problem my whole life has been fear of failure. I have given myself very few opportunities to fail. It's a risk-reward world. If you're willing to risk a lot, you just may strike gold and pave a path to success. You also could lose much of what you own, tarnish your reputation, or experience irreversible rejection. In a world where we have so much technology to leak up-to-the-second updates, is it worth it, especially if you're famous enough, to risk all of that for personal achievement?
Absolutely. Why? Good question.
For me, I never really think that much of what I have is replaceable. I'm not used to having any money to speak of, so I feel like if I lose things, especially my most important possessions (i.e. musical instruments, car, electronics), I can't replace them. Of course, right now that's true, but in the abstract, they're just things and can be found/bought again. It would suck to waste all that money, but that's not the important thing here, right?
The most important things to me are the things that are hardest to take away from me. Kerri, Hank, my family and friends will still accept me as long as I'm loyal and am trying to be the best I can be. I can't really replace them, but as long as I don't do anything to turn their lives upside-down, I'll keep them. As long as I don't cheat on Kerri, stop feeding Hank, or lose complete touch with my family and friends, they'll be there through thick and thin. That is a good thing.
Are my thoughts bound by what I think others will think? To an extent, yes. I need to change that.
I need to be more free and stop caring so much what others will think and trust myself. So far, I've used my musical training and developing communication skills, but I'm still limiting myself because of my track record. I have to put the past behind me and only remember what will benefit me in the future. I dwell...it's bad.
Things I'm going to do this week to free myself:
Keep my chops in shape - practice every day to increase skill, not just maintain it
Read more
Run as long as I can every day
Write a song - I think I suck at writing, but I've never let anyone hear anything I've ever written...maybe I can change that
Improve grooming habits so I can stop being so self-conscious
Look for new contact lenses
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